The Blog

2022-

2022-04-10 b
THE STATE OF THE DISUNION II

Satire from Two Years Ago

April 24, 2020

Dear New York Times,

How are you? Fine I hope! You asked me last week to do a long range analysis of Joe Biden, vis a vis some very nasty comments from right wing neo-fascists and Trump supporters to the effect that the former Vice-President is showing signs of cognitive dementia and senility. I appreciate you choosing me and I assure you that I will provide a very honest analysis, free of any political bias, such as has been insinuated by the fanatic rabble that supports our obviously mentally-disturbed President.

Those who know me well, know that I do not have a political bone in my body. To proceed to my analysis, I find Joe Biden to be the very epitome of a mentally sound person, fully in grasp of reality. He seems well-oriented as to what year it is, and he has not been seen out of his home without his pants on. He knows who the President is, which is Trump, who makes fun of physically disabled people. He does have little boo-boos from time to time about where he is. For example, which state he is in, but on a standard short form mental status exam, he still scores a solid 66.6%! Since he is the only person in the class, so to speak, I feel quite comfortable rounding that up on the curve to a solid A+!

I did take note of the fact that he was not able to recite the passage about all people being endowed by you know, the thing, with whatevah, but no psychologist in her right mind would expect a patient to be able to recite the whole Declaration of Independence. Plus, on the World War II answer he gave, he knew who the President was during that time, Franklin Roosevelt, a good Democrat, Thank Goodness!, so I think that makes him pretty much a candidate for Mensa!

As far as mistaking his sister for his wife, that is a common mistake, and quite common among the members of the Hookworm and Incest Belt of the South, where so many of Trump’s deplorables dwell. I know I have several times mistaken a grande for a venti at Starbucks, and Jeni’s Ice Cream for Ben and Jerry’s! Sooo, these sorts of little mix ups can happen. I am not worried at all by that!

I do note that he is a sensitive and caring person, and I would suggest that he not engage in any prolonged debates or lengthy question and answer sessions. I think he sometimes seems to stumble over words or lose track of the question, but that is simply because he cares so much for people as opposed to the psychopathic Trump. And, it would probably be advisable to connect either a short tether or some duct tape between his belt and the dais to keep him in place because he has an oratory style like the old Greeks of the Peripatetic School, who walked around as they dispensed their wisdom. It is conceivable that Joe Biden could wander around and fall off a stage and injure himself during such an episode.

In short, I saw absolutely no signs of any cognitive difficulties with Joe Biden, and I think he would make a wonderful replacement for that fat, narcissistic, criminal crook, Donald Trump!

Very Truly Yours,

Dr. Bandy X. Lee,
Psychologist

(read more)

______________________

Permission is hereby granted to any and all to copy and paste any entry on this page and convey it electronically along with its URL,
______________________